So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
