There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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