If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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