He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
