I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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