I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
