Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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