i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
