I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
