She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
