and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
