this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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