dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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