for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
