She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
