I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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