This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
They are going to name an STD after you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
