Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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