Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dicks are not precious.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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