I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
