absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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