after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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