Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
