I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
