Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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