Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
