Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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