I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
