we're blogging at a bar
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
