ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
