so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
