i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
