I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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