i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
