this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
