Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
