you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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