Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
