paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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