I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
