Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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