Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
