I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
