well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
