we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
