I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
