College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
