i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
