Your dad touched me again.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
