My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
